im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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