My hand turned me down
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The air taste purple.
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