I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
