My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize