he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
