I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Success! We fucked roommates!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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