doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
