Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(910): View more from North Carolina

In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of

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(319): View more from Iowa

yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours

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(763): View more from Minnesota

there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it

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(602): View more from Arizona

I bet i've been more pregnant than you.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.

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