hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
