my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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