How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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