Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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