I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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