hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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