We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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