I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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