i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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