So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
