He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
