can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
