Small penises have feelings too.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
