Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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