I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize