Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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