found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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