You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
