woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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