Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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