oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
