Pappa wants mamma naked
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
