I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
