as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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