The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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