Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize