Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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