This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
