it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
