Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
4 words: hood of his car
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
