How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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