You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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