So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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