I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
