she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
