So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize