Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
