He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
