I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
