Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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