If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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