i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
