so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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