I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
