literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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