Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
