So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
