Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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