even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
