Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
