So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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