did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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