I'm laying in your front yard are you home
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize