I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
