So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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