dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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