Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
