just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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