he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
