Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
