Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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