I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
