Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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