We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
