tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
