It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
