$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
