i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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