bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like eating out sand paper
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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